sometimes He shows Himself in the simplest ways

i was paying bills today. every month i write a check to "the center for cancer and blood disorders" towards my balance due. today though, i really looked at the words as i was writing them and i got to thinking "i sure am glad that i'm writing this for my 'blood disorder' and not for 'cancer' treatment"! i may gripe because i get charged $100 every time i go to get a treatment (even with insurance) but really i have it pretty good. they are letting me make monthly payments (which i will be paying for the rest of my life because i will always have to get treatments), but really $25 to be healthy is well worth it! i started thinking about all of the things i have to be thankful for: i have insurance, we have the money to pay for what insurance doesn't cover, my medical problems are relatively minor, i'm not in any pain, my husband and kids are healthy, etc. after being in so much pain this summer, i really empathize with people that have to deal with pain all of the time: my uncle battling cancer, my dad having to use a walker, my grandmothers arthritis, my great aunt who just had her hip replaced, and an acquaintance of mine whose baby girl just passed away. i may not always show it (or even realize it) but i am so thankful for God's blessings!

where does my day go?

as a stay-at-home mom, one thing that really ticks me off is when people ask "gee, what do you do all day?" grrr! but even i, myself, sometimes lie in bed at night (exhausted) and wonder where my day went!

i always have a million little jobs that i need to do - they don't necessarily take that much time or energy but it is lots of little things that add up. i don't have enough time to do everything i need to do even once so one of my biggest pet peeves is having to do the same thing two (or even three times)! when a computer malfunctions and i have to redo something i've been working on or i call a doctors office and they never call me back so i have to keep calling them. these kind of things are small jobs but when they happen a lot (which they do) they definitely add up and it stresses me out trying to remember everything! that's one reason why i love lists - because the satisfaction i get from making that little check mark is priceless! (i know, i'm sad!)

and i get so distracted throughout the day. example - i needed to return something i bought online so i went to get the book from the laundry room, i get in there and think "i should put the clothes in the dryer" so i do that and then think "i should start a new load" so i go to gather the clothes and as i get in the bedroom i notice that there are lots of cups on the bedside tables "i should go put those in the dishwasher" so i take them to the kitchen and remember "i haven't laid anything out for dinner yet" and so on. by the end of the day, i haven't returned the book, haven't started any more laundry, haven't run the dishwasher and don't have anything to cook for dinner! throw a kid in there asking me for something and my day is shot!

okay, i have to go and try to return a book now!

first week of first grade

does it make me a bad mom that i'm happy for my daughter to go back to school? i must not be the only person that feels this way because there is a commercial out right now that portrays this. it's the best commercial! the dad has a huge smile on his face and is skipping and gliding through the office supply store getting school supplies with "it's the most wonderful time of the year" playing in the background and the kids look ticked. it is so funny (and true)!

yes, i do now have to get up early (which i hate) and i'm already sick of making lunches everyday and i have no patience for doing homework with her at night and i feel like i'm always in the car (driving her to and from school, to gymnastics, etc.), but i was still happy for her to start back to school! for my own selfish reasons - it's much easier to get things done with only one kid, the first grader hates to shop and makes my life hell when i have to take her to stores, and i don't have to listen to the first grader fight with my little one, but i'm also happy for her to be back in school because she needs to read, write and do schoolwork and she does not take constructive criticism well from me at all. that is why i could never homeschool (well, one of the many reasons)! we did have many days this summer of reading and doing workbooks but it was so stressful because she can only handle being told what to do by someone other than her mother!

she was so excited on the first day of school (and no one cried). as we got out of the car, someone asked her what grade she was in and she said she was in 6th grade! i think she said this because she is 6 but i told her we don't need to rush her growing up anymore than she already is. she had a good first week of first grade and my little one made it 3 whole days before she broke down and started crying that she wanted to stay with her sister!

my little swimmers

both of my girls took swimming lessons this summer. my little one is usually the one that's not really scared of anything. she's never been frightened of the water so i didn't expect her to have any problems. on the first night of class, the instructor (read: 17 year old kid) called her name off the roll and she walked right up to him. he gathered his class and they all got in the water and then the tears began. she cried everyday for the first week! the second week she didn't cry and even seemed to have fun, but she's still wearing her floaties in the pool.

the first grader has always been afraid of the water, and getting water in her eyes and getting water in her ears (because of the tubes she had when she was little) so i really expected to have problems with her, but she was great! she is now swimming - i mean she's not going to be in the olympics or anything but she is holding her breath and sticking her face under water and moving for 15-20 feet across the water. i'm so happy - i just hope she doesn't forget it all over the winter and we have to start over from scratch again next year!

sometimes you just need to miss your kids

i have been dying to have a kid-free weekend for so long! now don't get me wrong, i love my kids but i am with them 24/7 and i needed a little time to miss them and truly appreciate them! i think the last time that the hubby and i went away without them was almost 2 years ago for our 10 year anniversary! i am due!! this weekend our neighbors (and good friends) planned to go to austin to "get away". we said "we need to do that" and they said "why don't you come along". so we did! we left friday night and drive down to the radisson in downtown austin. we woke up early the next morning to make it to a 10:00 tee time in san marcos (and we were only a few minutes late)! i didn't play (just drank, drove the cart and read a magazine) but it was fun. after golf we went to eat at a well-known bbq restaurant. it was a bit of a drive (to the middle of nowhere) but it was really good and we had fun. after that we floated the san marcos river - the water was cold but it only took about an hour! afterward, we went back to our hotel in austin and rested for a little bit and got cleaned up to go out. since we are not 20 anymore, we went to 4th street instead of 6th street! we found an irish pub called fado's and it was really fun. we ate a late dinner (at 10:00) and then drank (a lot). they had a band and some fun music. the hubby and our friends found their new favorite beer - hoegaarden. we left there about 1 a.m. and as we walked out onto the street we saw the car in front of us with a girl hanging out of the passenger window puking her guts up! we crossed the street and saw a trannie standing on the street corner. it was craziness - imagine what we would have seen on 6th street! this morning we slept in and after getting dressed and packing we checked out of the hotel and then had brunch at the restaurant in the hotel. it was good but i damn sure didn't eat $15 worth of bacon and eggs! we spent a good bit of money but i really needed this trip and to get away without the kids for a few days. i really did come back with a better attitude and can appreciate the girls more now! i think i can even make it to the first day of school without losing my mind!

birthdays, doctors and chi-town

that's what we have been up to lately! i haven't been able to write in a while because things have been so crazy around here. first was the 4th of july - it was a fun day. we went to my parents to watch the neighborhood parade and then came home and got ready to take the boat out on the lake. it was a hot, sunny day and we met up with some friends out there and swam and drank malibu with cranberry. we went in that evening and ate hamburgers and hotdogs at my parent's house and then went back out on the boat with them to watch the fireworks. i love the 4th of july! the next day was the first grader's birthday party - a luau. it was a lot of fun but it was also a lot of work since it was at our house and we had 18 kids here (plus parents)! i was expecting up to 25 kids!! the next day was the first grader's actual birthday and i had to spend most of the day packing, but that evening we went to my parent's house and they had a fish fry (yum)! i'm so glad that i've trained both of my kids to pick fried fish as their favorite birthday dinner too - now we get it at least four times each year! :-) that next morning we got up and got ready to go to the airport and began our excursion to chicago. we all four had a carry-on, two bags to check and a carseat plus two children that are pokey and wander around as they walk. we also had to switch planes in memphis. which fyi - that airport sucks (it was small, old and crowded)! we finally got there tuesday evening and were exhausted but excited to be there. my brother didn't have to work the whole time we were there and his wife only had to work that first day so we had a lot of time to play tourist with our own "personal guides" and get in lots of visiting. it was really fun! we went to the children's museum, the navy pier, the lincoln park zoo, the beach at lake michigan, shopping on michigan avenue, catching fireflies at night, walked to get ice cream, to see the bean and other attractions at millennium park, to the local pool, to see wrigley field and the guys went to a nascar race. all of that in four days - and we even had to time to just chill at the house and have dinner and drink (wine for us ladies and beer for the guys from my brother's keg that he has on tap)! it's amazing i even got my hubby to leave that keg! :-) while all of this is going on i have been in a lot of pain (see post about medical ailments)! i went to the first of my doctors appointments a couple of days before the 4th of july and then the week after we returned from chicago, i went to doctor's appointments three days. i guess it's no wonder my house is a wreck and we haven't written any thank you notes yet!

hallelujah - i feel almost human again!!

for the last four to six weeks, i have been feeling like hell! it started out innocently enough with my ankles hurting towards the end of the day and i just figured it was from being on my feet too much and wearing flip-flops everyday. it progressively got worse and my knees started hurting too and i started having a cough (but no other cold symptoms). the only thing that helped was to take advil and i was taking it every 4 hours (like clockwork). after about a week to 10 days straight of doing this, i figured that's probably not good so i went to my doctor. she gave me some celebrex (to take instead of the advil) and ran some blood tests. when she called me back she told me that my sed rate (which gives an idea of the inflammation going on in your body) was 86 and it should never be higher than 20! she said she would refer me to a specialist and i should keep taking the celebrex. by this time, every joint is hurting and i'm coughing worse than any smoker you have ever heard. when i woke up in the morning (before taking my medicine) was the worst. i was useless for at least an hour - could barely walk and coughing so bad that i would nearly throw up and could hardly catch my breath to even breathe! it was horrible and the celebrex does not last a full 24 hours like it's supposed to - i'm lucky if i could get a good 8-10 hours out of it! this is the same time that our family is on vacation in chicago. when we got home i found out that the rheumatologist that i was referred to couldn't see me until august 25th!! on tuesday i called to see if i could get in any sooner and they said "can you be here at 1:00?" i hustled like crazy and spent the whole afternoon there seeing the doctors, giving 9 tubes of blood, and getting 16 x-rays (on my hands, wrists, feet, ankles and chest). without knowing any test results, the doctor was leaning towards RA (rheumatoid arthritis) which would not be good, but at least we would know what we are dealing with. well, he called thursday with the results and told me that "something is definitely off". yeah, no kidding - i never went to medical school and i could have told you that!! he says he doesn't think it is RA but he doesn't really know what it is. the antinuclear antibody test was positive and the chest x-ray showed interstitial inflammation in my lungs, but the x-rays of my hands and feet looked fine. he started me on a low dose of steroids yesterday and i'm feeling so much better already! i wish i knew what was causing my problems but at least i'm able to function now (i couldn't even make breakfast for my kids, run errands, work out, clean house, etc.). today, i hardly have any joint pain and i still have the cough but it is not as bad as it was. i'm not 100% yet but at least i'm feeling human again!!